What is the “Let Them” Theory?
The idea comes from Mel Robbins, and it’s beautifully simple:
If someone wants to doubt you, misunderstand you, leave you out, or talk about you - let them.
Instead of trying to fix it, explain yourself, or overanalyze, you gently shift your attention back to yourself.
It's not about giving up.
It’s about protecting your peace.
If you’ve ever caught yourself spiraling after something someone said (or didn’t say), you’re not alone.
I used to replay conversations in my head on loop.
I’d wonder why someone didn’t text back, or why I wasn’t invited to something, or what I should have said instead.
It was mentally exhausting.
Then I came across a simple mindset shift called the "Let Them" theory, and it honestly changed the way I think.
Why this works (especially for overthinkers)
Overthinking is a way of trying to control things - people’s opinions, outcomes, reactions.
But the truth is, you can’t control what someone else thinks or does.
What you can control is where you put your energy.
By choosing to "let them," you're not saying it doesn’t bother you.
You’re just saying:
“This isn’t worth draining my peace over.”
This mindset grounds you in the present.
It brings your focus inward - to your thoughts, your actions, your calm.
How to use this in real life
At work:
Someone talks over you in a meeting or leaves you out of a project?
Let them.
Then refocus your energy on doing the job you’re proud of.
You don’t need to shrink to fit someone else’s narrative.
With loved ones:
If someone makes an offhand comment that hurts, or questions your goals or boundaries - let them.
You can set kind boundaries and still protect your mental peace.
Not everyone has to understand your choices.
In your mind:
Catch yourself spiraling? Try saying this out loud (or in your head):
“I’m overthinking again. I’m going to let them - and bring my focus back to me.”
Try it with your fidget ring
When I started using the Let Them mindset, I paired it with something physical: my fidget ring.
Every time I caught myself overthinking, I’d spin it, breathe, and remind myself to let go.
It helped me break the mental loop and stay grounded.
The subtle motion of a fidget ring gives your hands something calming to do.
Whether you’re in a tense conversation, a work situation, or lying awake at night overthinking - having a grounding tool on you makes all the difference.
Remember, this takes practice.
Overthinking doesn’t disappear overnight.
Protecting your peace is powerful — and you’re allowed to do it.
💛
Bianca
Disclaimer: This blog is for informational purposes only and is based on personal experience and interpretation. The concept of the “Let Them” theory was popularized by Mel Robbins; however, this post reflects our own perspective and application of the idea. All content is original and created by OrnaMental Health.